Think Family.Net

June 25th, 2008 by Natalia

This is hilarious!  There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny. Thanks to my mother-in-law for sharing.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, “Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.”

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning, Ma’am”, he said, “I’ve come to…”

“Oh, no need to explain,” Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, “I’ve been expecting you.”

“Have you really?” said the photographer. “Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?”

“Well that’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat”.
After a moment she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?”

“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.”

“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work out for Harry and me!”

“Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.”

“My, that’s a lot!”, gasped Mrs. Smith.

“Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I’d love to be In and out in five minutes, but I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.”

“Don’t I know it,” said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. “This was done on the top of a bus,” he said.

“Oh, my God!” Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

“And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.”

“She was difficult?” asked Mrs. Smith.

“Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look”

“Four and five deep?” said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

“Yes”, the photographer replied. “And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.”

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. “Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh…equipment?”

“It’s true, Ma’am, yes.. Well, if you’re ready, I’ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.”

“Tripod?”

“Oh yes, Ma’am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big to be held in the hand very long.”

Mrs. Smith fainted.

June 24th, 2008 by Natalia

For all those who are wondering… we had our big ultrasound today and the verdict is in! Here are the pictures!

I know the suspense is killing you!!!

IT’S A GIRL!!!!!!

Be sure you get in on the vote if you haven’t already!

June 18th, 2008 by Natalia

Last week was a pretty cruddy week for me. Kevin was in Dubai for most of it so it started out sucking. Let me just give you a run through… 

• Monday: The kids and I went to Costco and spent way too much money on diapers and other junk.. You can’t go there and NOT spend money. I think it defies physics… Anyways… We were heading home and we got rear-ended. The jerk in the tan van, who hit me, honked then proceeded to flip ME off and then sped off. No he/she didn’t even stop. I was so busy trying to get my car out of traffic that I couldn’t even tell you if it was a he or a she. I don’t know what kind of car nor did I get a plate number. Both kids were screaming, I’m on the verge of tears because I’ve never been involved in an accident before. I didn’t know what to do. I just knew I was going to have a mess in the smashed in trunk (Remember, I just bought groceries) I pulled over to check the car. Before getting out I made sure that both kids were ok. They were just a little rattled. Ashton didn’t like the fact that mommy dropped an F Bomb. (I don’t remember saying it, but she claims I did and it hurt her ears!) Jax was only crying because Ashton was. To my surprise, there wasn’t even a mark on the car. Not even a smudge in the dirt that was caked on my bumper. We got really lucky and so did that jerk in the van. I figured he probably didn’t have insurance or something. How lame? I mean how much could old run down van insurance really be?  
• Tuesday: Ashton wasn’t feeling well. Her stomach was giving her issues. So she made sure and took every chance that she could to complain and let me know how crippled she was when I would ask her to do something.
• Wednesday: We painted Ashton’s bathroom. The smell of the $40 NON SMELLING paint made me sick. I spent double for this non toxic, not fumed paint so that I could paint while pregnant. It still stinks and has fumes… I don’t think it’s worth the money.
• Thursday: 4am -I woke up running to the restroom with the worst diarrhea ever. (TMI- I know.. sorry.) This was followed by vomiting and a lot of it. It got so bad that I was to the point of laying in the floor thinking I was on my way to the ER. (I’m 5 months pregnant -so not good) I couldn’t keep anything down. Not even water. I managed to shower and get the kids in the car in between episodes… I was on a mission to get some gatorade so I wouldn’t dehydrate. We made it two blocks before I decided I couldn’t bare the thought of juggling two kids through the store. I called Maimie (Kev’s Mom) and asked her to bring me some gatorade. Kevin was on a plane, headed home, and we were due to pick him up that afternoon as well. Luckily, Kevin’s parent’s were able to pick him up for me. By this time, I had a horrible headache and a fever. I pretty much needed to go to bed. Thank goodness Ashton was feeling better and she was able to help me with Jax. She was awesome. She changed all of his diapers that day. She fed him. I think she even attempted to do some dishes and laundry for me. She was a life saver.
• Friday: Kev returned to work. We were to meet for dinner at the new pizzeria. I arrived early. It was crowded. The line was out the door. It was HOT. The kids and I made it through the line and sat down to wait on our pizza. Still no Kevin. I looked down and there was a voicemail from Kev. Guess what? He had an accident on the way to meet us. ANOTHER idiot hit him. Supposedly, the guy had just bought a used car and the breaks went out and he ran smack into Kevin’s rear passenger side. Kevin wasn’t hurt but he was pissed. He followed the guy back to the dealership. The dealership is fixing Kevin’s car. They sent him home in a pimpin’ bright red minivan. He was thrilled. They promised his car would be ready the following day (Saturday.) Fast-forward to today (Wednesday), his car is still not fixed. 

So, to sum up last week… it sucked… I’m glad it’s over. This week has been much better so far.. except for the fact that Ashton is at her dad’s and I miss her. 

June 18th, 2008 by Natalia

We still don’t know if we are having a boy or girl yet. I know it’s driving everyone nuts…. especially Maimie who is having major shopping withdrawls….. Good news… There is a light at the end of the tunnel…. We have a sonogram scheduled for NEXT Tuesday the 24th…. and hopefully we will find out then. Stay tuned… You will be the first to know… I promise! HA! 

June 16th, 2008 by Natalia

We stopped by to drop something off at Maimie’s house this morning. As we pulled up, I noticed Carmen standing inside the house looking out the window with her phone in hand. She ran out and told me, “Not, get out of car, mom - SNAKE!” I looked around to make sure the coast was clear.. I got out and she explained to me that a huge snake was in the bushes. I got Jax out of the car and we made a mad dash for the front door… Well, as mad of a dash as a pregnant woman could. (Picture - Hippo running from a lion or something)

Animal control was called. 2 very brave women were sent out. Animal control explained that most snakes in our region are not poisonous. She proceeded to walk through and wrestle her way through the bushes looking for the illusive snake. There is no way you could have gotten me to go in any bushes LOOKING for a snake.. even if it was PROBABLY not poisonous. The key word is PROBABLY. What if it was, and it was is lost or something? Poison aside - it more than likely still has large sharp and pointy fangs that would probably not feel too swell, were you to accidentally piss it off or something.

Anyways…  It was a 4 foot rat snake, so it wasn’t poisonous. She caught the snake and held it for Jax to touch. He wasn’t too sure. He would only get so close then he would run off. It was the funniest thing. His favorite part was when it flickered it’s tongue at him. He mimicked it perfectly. I wish I could have gotten a picture of that… but I didn’t have my camera out at that point. As the lady was packing the snake up in a pillow cloth to take it to where ever snakes are safe… it made a final attempt at freedom via a HOLE in the pillow cloth… We all screamed and ran off… She caught the snake again. It’s a good thing she found out about the hole before she tossed it under the seat in her truck… OR It would have been an interesting ride to snakeville.

June 11th, 2008 by Natalia

It’s been a long time since I gave an update about what’s going on in our lives… Let me see:Kevin has been traveling a lot for work lately. He’s recently been to China, Florida twice, Dubai, Atlanta, and soon he’s going to Vegas. In between all that traveling we had our family vacation in Mexico(as you can see from the previous post). I pretty much hate when he travels. I miss him. Hopefully some day he’ll have a job where he doesn’t travel.  Kevin’s grandmother passed away last week so we will be attending her funeral in San Francisco in a couple of weeks.

   Ashton

• Completed the 2nd grade. 
• She’s super excited to be a 3rd grader. 
• A new school has been built in our neighborhood so she’s thrilled that she can walk/ride her bike to school next year. The only bad thing is half her friends will not be going to the new school. So she’s a little sad, sorta. 
• She lost another tooth last night. She “lassoed” it out herself. She was so proud.
• Ashton has several things planned for this summer. She has a couple of day camps she’s going to attend. She’s going to spend a couple of weeks in west Texas with Grandy and Nana. It’s going to be a busy summer. 

Jax (a.k.a lil’monster) is growing like a weed.

• 21 months now!! Wow, time flies!
• He’s pretty much got all his teeth now(or at lease the last few are half way in. 
• His eating habits are still fairly strange. He eats some meat now. Only if he’s in the mood and it’s not ruined by something slimy(sauce, cheese, gravy, etc.) He still eats a lot of fruit. Yogurt tops his favorites list.
• His vocabulary has expanded some. He still uses “Hola” frequently. Usually when he wants to talk to someone on the phone. I’m not sure if he thinks the phone is an “Hola.” After you hand him something he says, “thelcome.” I think that’s a mixture of your welcome and thank you. He uses the term “bite” very loosely, if he wants a bite to eat, or a drink, or if he bites his sister(we are working on that one). He uses the word “no” very well, and way too often. I think he gets that from his sis!
• He’s very good at using the “more” sign. If you don’t see his first attempt, he’s quick to include a very shrill, high-pitched squeal with the second. 
• Jax still does his arm pinching thing… where he pinches the crack of your arm to show you affection. It’s sooooo annoying, and despite much reprimand… he still insists that he loves us by leaving pinch marks (I’ve tried running from him, but he has a lot more energy than I do and I give up before he does). 
• He still has to be held down to go to sleep at night. It’s as if he might miss something if he just lays down and goes to sleep on his own. We are working on this… Unfortunately, straight jackets are illegal, so it’s a slow process.

Baby #3 - Due Nov 15th

•  I’m now 17.5 weeks
• No - we haven’t found out if it’s a boy or a girl yet. My midwife doesn’t do the main ultrasound until 20 weeks. So it will be a couple of weeks until we can find out. I will let you know as soon as I know. I can’t wait!
• The nausea has mostly gone away - except in the morning if I don’t eat immediately after waking up and in the shower. Something about the smell of the shampoo or thinking the water is going in my mouth still sets me off… I was hoping this would be gone by now…but not so much… I’m probably having a girl. It was the same story with Ash, and not so much with Jax.. That’s my gut feeling!
• Names - I think we are leaning towards Kylie Marie for a girl and Brenden something for a boy. Still not sure yet.

Man, life has been busy lately! That’s all that I can think of for now… 

June 10th, 2008 by Natalia

Sorry it’s taken me so long to get these pictures up. I’ve been busy with so many other things. Like playing World of Warcraft, cleaning my house, and just having a lack of desire to write… Sorry… Here they are!

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