May 30th, 2008 by Natalia
My mother in law sent this to me and I thought it was hilarious. I just had to share.
NUN GRADING PAPERS Can you imagine a nun sitting at her desk grading papers, trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure! These excerpts are from a Catholic elementary school test about miracles in the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or the spelling corrected.
- In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
- Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was joan of ark. Noah built andark and the animals came on in pears.
- Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
- The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
- Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like delilah.
- Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
- Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
- The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
- The first commandments was when eve told adam to eat the apple.
- The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached canada then joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol.
- The greatest miricle in the bible is when joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
- David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
- Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
- When mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna carta.
- When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found jesus in the manager.
- Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.
- St. john the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
- It was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
- The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.
- St. paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.
- Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
May 27th, 2008 by Natalia
While we were in Mexico we did a lot of swimming. One of those HOT days, after a dip in the pool, I was getting ready to run Jax through the shower. I took his clothes and his diaper off and realized that I needed to make pee pee in a bad way. So I put Jax outside on the patio in a chair next to Kevin. I told Kev I’d be right back and ran to do my business. After finishing, I decided to gather Jax’s necessities for the bath.
All of the sudden I hear Kevin yelling, “DIAPER!! DIAPER! He’s POOPING!”
I hurried, as fast as I could, to get there with the diaper… It was too late. Much to my surprise, I walk around the corner and see Kevin holding a handful of POOP! His mother walks up and we are both laughing so hard that neither of us could help him. I was trying not to wet the floor.
Kevin then said, “laugh it up… at least it didn’t get on the nice chair.” For that, I am glad. It would have been hard to clean up. Needless to say, Kev felt like he did his duty and granted me diaper privileges for the rest of the trip… or he tried anyways!
It was a knee slapper…. Guess you had to be there! I wish I could have gotten to my camera in time… It was truly a Kodak moment! The look on Kevin’s face was priceless… Jax thought it was funny too.
May 23rd, 2008 by Natalia
Here is a slide show from our visit to Tulum. I’m sure there is some significance to each picture I took…. but all I remember was that it was darn HOT! I hurried between small patches of shade trying to keep from having a heat stroke while the guide told us all about the crazy beliefs of the Mayan people. I tried to make really educated captions for the pictures.. but frankly… I obviously wasn’t paying attention… sorry… I was trying not to die…. did I mention that it was HOT?
May 20th, 2008 by Natalia
We are back from Mexico. We had a lot of fun, but I am glad to be home. It’s tough being away from home with a baby… and being pregnant too. I thought I would share two of my favorite pictures with you for now. Basically, I’m too tired to put up the other ones… soon….. I will get them up soon….
Here is Ashton - flying through the air!
Here is Jackson - chilling by the pool, looking cool in his shades, while holding his sucker with his monkey toes… The talent…
More to come later… along with some interesting stories about Kevin’s poop catching abilities and my apparent brush with a jelly fish or poison ivy or something…..
May 9th, 2008 by Natalia
My grandmother sent this to me this morning in light of my new found love for Mayo.
Hellmann’s Mayonnaise - a bit of history
Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was
Manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars
Of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was
To be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New
York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever
Delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to
New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever
Lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly
Awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was
So great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they
Still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known,
Of course, as Sinko De Mayo.
WHAT??? You expected something educational from me?
Thanks Grammy!!!
May 8th, 2008 by Natalia
….police officer that was directing traffic on his cell phone? Well, yesterday, I was stuck in a lovely traffic jam on the way home. As I approached the evil source behind the backup… I noticed that SAME cop was directing traffic at that intersection when the wreck happened… Coincidence? Maybe… Probably not… he was probably on his damn phone…
…that bikini I wanted to wear by May? HAHA! It has morphed into a full coverage tankini! We leave Mexico soon and I’ve had to rethink that bikini idea. It just wouldn’t have worked… this year… maybe next year!!
… I love mayo? Well, it’s still good… I think I’ll go have some hot dogs with mayo on them now!!! (Kevin said there’s something seriously wrong with me… I told him… there is… and it’s his fault. haha!)
May 5th, 2008 by Natalia
Finally. I never thought the day would come, when the semester would end and I’d be done with my dog-gone history class. But it came. And I’m done!!! Well for now anyways… Now I can concentrate on cleaning out my house and getting ready for our trip to Mexico.
Today, I cleaned out Ashton’s room. The girl has had so much stuff just piled everywhere. I was so tired of looking at it. So, I cleaned out all the toys that she never touches and we are going to make some kid/s very happy by donating them… By we, I mean, I… Ashton has a hard time parting with EVERYTHING… including the packaging that things come in…. so I’m donating while she’s at school… She’ll never miss any of it…. as long as she wasn’t involved in the process. I went through her clothes and did the same thing. She went from a size 8 to a size 12 like over night. None of her clothes fit her anymore… So out with the old and in with the new. So… that’s why I’m tired… I’ve been at her room since 7 this morning and I just finished it at almost 1pm.
Time to eat… Again!!!
May 2nd, 2008 by Natalia
Mayo (not imitation Miracle Whip) real mayonnaise has got to be one of the most delicious things out there. It’s not all that healthy.. but let me tell you it goes good with everything….lately…I don’t know… call me pregnant, but I like it on my scrambled egg sandwiches, on any sandwich, hamburgers, hot dogs, and much more I’m sure that I haven’t discovered yet - but I’ll let cha know! Go ahead, go buy some mayo and enjoy… I know I’m gonna!
May 1st, 2008 by Natalia
Seriously, what are these people thinking? They throw their babies off the roof for good health and luck! I don’t even know what else to say.. This is insane. The poor babies have got to be scared shitless….
May 1st, 2008 by Natalia
I get so mad when someone is driving like an idiot and swerving, only to find out that it’s because they are on the stinking phone. It’s a fact, that you are more likely to cause an accident if you are distracted by your phone. So get a cheap hands free kit, so you aren’t blind because you are holding the phone with your shoulder.
Now for the interesting part.. Yesterday I was driving home and a COP was directing traffic, while on his cell phone. Yup, that’s right. He was lazily telling me to go as well as the car that was coming straight at me while chatting on his phone. He almost caused an accident. Cops should know better, you would think….. HMMMMM….. It’s bad enough when you are in control of one vehicle… much less a multitude of cars that are relying on you to direct them…. dude…. get a hands-free kit!!!!!
